Farewell to Shadow-Lands

"'I say! steady! Look what we're coming to!...'

...For now they saw before them the Caldron Pool and beyond the Pool, the high unclimbable cliffs and, pouring down the cliffs, thousands of tons of water every second, flashing like diamonds in some places and dark, glassy green in others, the Great Waterfall, and already the thunder of it was in their ears.

'Don't stop! Further up and further in...'

'This is absolutely crazy," said Eustace to Edmund.

'Isn't it wonderful?' said Lucy. "Have you noticed one can't feel afraid, even it one wants to? Try it...'

But before Jill had time to notice all things fully, she was going up the Waterfall herself. It was the sort of thing that would have been quite impossible in our world. Even if you hadn't been drowned, you would have been smashed to pieces by the terrible weight of water against countless jags of rock. But in that world you could do it. You went on, up and up, with all kinds of reflected lights flashing at you from the water and all manner of coloured stones flashing through it, till it seemed as if you were climbing up light itself--and always higher and higher till the sense of height would have terrified you if you could be terrified, but here it was gloriously exciting. And then at last one came to the lovely, smooth green curve in which the water poured over the top and found that one was out on the level river above the waterfall. The current was racing away behind you, but you were such a wonderful swimmer that you could make headway against it. Soon they were all on the bank, dripping but happy...

...Further up and further in..."

I went searching for something to soothe my soul yesterday and I found this in the final chapter of The Last Battle by CS Lewis. I can imagine you here Julie. The place of your death is now transformed into a place of beauty for me. There you are crawling up the waterfall with all its delights and glory.

I miss you and all that could have been. I grieve the photos that will never be taken because you are gone. I grieve the way that you saw the world is no more. I grieve the loss of the relationship we had and the familiarity I found in it.

I see the photos of John on the wall and I think of you. You will always be with me in them.

And when I go up north and hear the roar of the water over the falls, I will see your hand extended towards me, guiding me upwards to the hope that is found beyond this life through the Great Waterfall.

Someday we will meet again and you can show me the way...further up and further in...

Marking the Hour

Turning open my prayer book this morning helped ground me in this day. With feelings of numbness and sadness overwhelming me, the familiarity of the words reminded me of what is true.

The refrain for today's morning prayer was:

"Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom."

The words cut through my emotions to my heart.

May it be so for all of us.

Julie Steiskal: 1978-2008

The day was sunny and full of light. The air was crisp and clear. The boy was sleepy yet ready. The girl was knocking at the door, bright and talkative as ever.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

I watched my friend gently interact with my son, making friendship right in front of my eyes. With each shutter release, she created scene after scene of my son's life for the camera to forever capture.

I am deeply grateful for that day.

I am deeply grateful for knowing my friend Julie.

She made everyone she touched feel loved.

Ordinary Spirituality According to Eugene Peterson

Everyday in my e-mail box I receive a posting from Inward/Outward, a blog hosted by the Church of the Saviour in Washington DC. Today's post was so good, here it is in its entirety.


Last week Kayla was at a writing workshop in Minnesota facilitated by Eugene Peterson, so we decided to offer an excerpt of an interview with Peterson by Christianity Today managing editor Mark Galli, published in March 2005:

CT: Many people assume that spirituality is about becoming emotionally intimate with God.

That’s a naive view of spirituality. What we’re talking about is the Christian life. It’s following Jesus. Spirituality is no different from what we’ve been doing for two thousand years just by going to church and receiving the sacraments, being baptized, learning to pray, and reading Scriptures rightly. It’s just ordinary stuff.

This promise of intimacy is both right and wrong. There is an intimacy with God, but it’s like any other intimacy; it’s part of the fabric of your life. In marriage you don’t feel intimate most of the time. Nor with a friend. Intimacy isn’t primarily a mystical emotion. It’s a way of life, a life of openness, honesty, a certain transparency.

CT: Doesn’t the mystical tradition suggest otherwise?

One of my favorite stories is of Teresa of Avila. She’s sitting in the kitchen with a roasted chicken. And she’s got it with both hands, and she’s gnawing on it, just devouring this chicken. One of the nuns comes in shocked that she’s doing this, behaving this way. She said, “When I eat chicken, I eat chicken; when I pray, I pray.” If you read the saints, they’re pretty ordinary people. There are moments of rapture and ecstasy, but once every 10 years. And even then it’s a surprise to them. They didn’t do anything. We’ve got to disabuse people of these illusions of what the Christian life is. It’s a wonderful life, but it’s not wonderful in the way a lot of people want it to be.

CT: Yet evangelicals rightly tell people they can have a “personal relationship with God.”

That suggests a certain type of spiritual intimacy. All these words get so screwed up in our society. If intimacy means being open and honest and authentic, so I don’t have veils, or I don’t have to be defensive or in denial of who I am, that’s wonderful. But in our culture, intimacy usually has sexual connotations, with some kind of completion. So I want intimacy because I want more out of life. Very seldom does it have the sense of sacrifice or giving or being vulnerable. Those are two different ways of being intimate. And in our American vocabulary intimacy usually has to do with getting something from the other. That just screws the whole thing up.

It’s very dangerous to use the language of the culture to interpret the gospel. Our vocabulary has to be chastened and tested by revelation, by the Scriptures. We’ve got a pretty good vocabulary and syntax, and we’d better start paying attention to it because the way we grab words here and there to appeal to unbelievers is not very good.

CT: This corruption of the word spirituality even in Christian circles—does it have something to do with the New Age movement?

The New Age stuff is old age. It’s been around for a long time. It’s a cheap shortcut to—I guess we have to use the word—spirituality. It avoids the ordinary, the everyday, the physical, the material. It’s a form of Gnosticism, and it has a terrific appeal because it’s a spirituality that doesn’t have anything to do with doing the dishes or changing diapers or going to work. There’s not much integration with work, people, sin, trouble, inconvenience.

I’ve been a pastor most of my life, for some 45 years. I love doing this. But to tell you the truth, the people who give me the most distress are those who come asking, “Pastor, how can I be spiritual?” Forget about being spiritual. How about loving your husband? Now that’s a good place to start. But that’s not what they’re interested in. How about learning to love your kids, accept them the way they are?

CT: You make spirituality sound so mundane.

I don’t want to suggest that those of us who are following Jesus don’t have any fun, that there’s no joy, no exuberance, no ecstasy. They’re just not what the consumer thinks they are. When we advertise the gospel in terms of the world’s values, we lie to people. We lie to them, because this is a new life. It involves following Jesus. It involves the Cross. It involves death, an acceptable sacrifice. We give up our lives.

It involves a kind of learned passivity, so that our primary mode of relationship is receiving, submitting, instead of giving and getting and doing. We don’t do that very well. We’re trained to be assertive, to get, to apply, or to consume and to perform.

This impatience to leave the methods of Jesus in order to get the work of Jesus done is what destroys spirituality, because we’re using a non-biblical, non-Jesus way to do what Jesus did. That’s why spirituality is in such a mess as it is today.

One test I think is this: Am I working out of the Jesus story, the Jesus methods, the Jesus way? Am I sacrificing relationship, personal attention, personal relationship for a shortcut, a program so I can get stuff done? You can’t do Jesus’ work in a non-Jesus way and get by with it—although you can be very “successful.”

One thing that I think is characteristic of me is I stay local. I’m rooted in a pastoral life, which is an ordinary life. So while all this glitter and image of spirituality is going around, I feel quite indifferent to it, to tell you the truth. And I’m somewhat suspicious of it because it seems to be uprooted, not grounded in local conditions, which are the only conditions in which you can live a Christian life.

The author of over 30 books, including the contemporary translation of the Bible called The Message, Eugene Peterson was the pastor of Christ our King Church in Bel Air, Maryland, for 35 years.

NT Wright on the Kingdom :.

“…We don’t know how the kingdom works. Take Jesus’ parables about seeds growing secretly and small seeds becoming mustard bushes and so on. The kingdom is always a surprise to us, which keeps us humble. The danger with “building the kingdom” language can make us very proud. “Building for the kingdom” keeps you humble. It says, “These are your tasks; you’ve got to get on with them. How God puts them into the eventual construct is completely his business.”


“…It dawned on me several years ago that when somebody says “no” to God and refuses to worship the God in whose image they are made, saying “I’m not going to worship that God,” then what happens to their humanness is that it progressively ceases to bear the image of God. You become like what you worship. You reflect the one you worship. It’s one of the great truths of spirituality…”


~NT Wright


(Thanks Prodigal Kiwis for the good quote!)

Even The Cats Pray :.

Felix_resting_on_the_hours

Joining the Song :.

Last night at Abbey Way--as customary--we held hands sang our Creed Song and then the Our Father. This moment of our service, gathered in two concentric circles around the altar, is a hallmark of our weekly worship. It is a holy, crazy time of children swinging their arms in delight, people interacting through accepting eyes and nodding hands, together proclaiming with our voices the prayer of the church.

"Our Father, who art in heaven..."

Something always catches my heart during this prayer. Sometimes my heart is touched by the richness of Kingdom truth. Other times there is a holy moment transpiring right before our eyes if we only are present enough to notice.

Last week it was two little people, both near the ripe old age of two, hand in hand entering the circle and its sacred madness, walking with us as we sang. Tentatively yet triumphantly they did it (!) and we all were part of it. This week it was a little guy named Samuel who at the ripe old age of two was singing the "Our Father" as his father held him in his arms. You can't get much better than that for an OH WOW MOMENT!

Sometimes I get discouraged in shepherding Abbey Way. There is so much to church planting, pulling and tugging at me each day. It can be overwhelming. But then something happens right in front of my eyes that is unmistakably a gift from God, the warmth of the Spirit's breath in my face. God presence is revealed in two little people joining the circle and taking their place or a little tiny voice singing the prayer that Jesus taught.

Something mysteriously grace-filled has been part of this journey from the very beginning. In and through it, I can see Christ.

Albertville Bus Crash :.

Early morning sleep was disrupted by an explosive noise. Quickly following the unknown thunder came the squeal and screech of sirens and the whirling of helicopter blades cutting the newly sun kissed morning skies.

The I-94 bus crash happened less than a half mile from my home today. With news reports slowly coming in, the buzz of helicopters and the flashing of emergency vehicles continues. The sky is chaotic. The noise is constant.

One fatality and many injuries are reported. Students on a companion bus wait in a local Catholic church. Parents gather in the Pelican Rapids High School in northern Minnesota for news of their children.

God be with those who wait. God be with those who are hurt. God be with those who grieve.

An Unlikely Place to Be Born

Last night, at a little past midnight, a baby was born here in the backseat of car.

Do you see what I see?

Holy Conversation :.

Sitting with a friend for coffee, talking over dinner with a spouse, conversing with a son or daughter, encountering a stranger, all can become places of holy conversation, of divine meeting.

I say "can" because they do not usually turn out that way. We usually settle for a casual remark or two. A verbal volley about the latest weather forecast. A catching up the latest Idol cast off. A rousing recap of Sunday's sporting event.

Maybe we are afraid of the presumed danger or risk if we open up and enter in too far, reveal too much of ourselves. Or maybe we are unwilling to make space for the other, thinking they are too different than us or we are too different than them. All these things get in the way of a life open and free to be and receive from other people...and God.

Tomorrow's lesson is found in John 4, the holy conversation between Jesus and the Samaritan woman. The meeting between them crosses borders and boundaries of gender, ethnicity, religion, and class. In the wonderful almost chaotic exchange of free flowing banter between them, both persons true selves are encountered in their humanity and glory. As they stay present to each other, the Truth opens between them, deepening and expanding, revealing more and more.

I believe this holy interchange, demonstrated in this passage, is paramount for the church to understand and live. If not "us" then "who"? Unfortunately we box ourselves in or others in and say sometimes a lazy, sometimes a tired, sometimes an unwilling, sometimes a defiant "NO" I will not, I can not, do not make me, go "there," be with "them."

That is why Jesus comes to us and shows us the way. He confronts us with his own life of boundary and border crossing, of descending to ascend, of loving and forgiving even onto death. That is why we need him desperately to change us today and continue to change us until our own death.

That is why every once in a while we need a conversation of grace with a person that is different than ourselves, that confronts our presumptions, our prejudices, our narrow ways of thinking, and opens up the possibility of unlocking another ancient door within our souls. If we have eyes to see, Jesus comes to us in that moment. Something very sacred occurs. Another story of border and boundary crossing happens. Living water is poured out. Invisible bread is tasted.

The community of Jesus, the church, I believe, is the place to grow in our opening to the other. In the safety of common commitment to following Jesus, we can choose to be learners, continuing to deepen in our own self knowledge and our call to Gospel life.

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